we're pregnant

i didn't start writing until i found out we were having a baby.

i have had grand intentions of writing before, especially after i started working for a publisher. i love what writers do but don't have that gift. at least not on their level.

any way, given the overwhelming emotions i'm experiencing now and am going to experience i needed to start. this little baby blog is the result of that. basically a way for friends and family to keep up with the little guy (or gal). it all seems so self serving and pompous to have a blog like this but the interweb (as a woman writing a letter to Garrison Keillor called it - the interweb) is the best place to keep up with folks. so here we go, jeff and michelle's baby blog. most of the posts will be from me, the better ones will be from michelle.

i've joked with michelle over the past few months about having a baby, making motions about how big her belly could become but when i came home that tuesday and she met me at the door with the little stick that said "pregnant" i think i got scared. no, i know i got scared. what the hell are we gonna do now. i didn't say that but i thought it. for 13+ years, it has been just michelle and me and i've gotten quite accustomed to that. and to be honest i LOVE it. i love we can just get up and go. be it vacations, concert, weekend trips to Cincy or camping, the independence is nice. that is probably what immediately went through my head. "our lives will never ever be the same again. we're screwed, big time"

scared wasn't the only emotion i was feeling but it was the strongest. i was nervous too. and excited but excitement was low on the emotional radar, just a faint blip on the screen. scared and nervous were the two biggies.

we went to the doctor a few days later only to find out michelle was so early they couldn't really see anything beyond the sack this tiny little guy would be growing in. they suggested she was probably early in her 5th week and we should come back in two weeks.

after that visit, my emotional radar reversed. the scared and nervousness feelings were replaced by excitement and anticipation. don't get me wrong i am still scared and when i sit and really think about that in nine months we could have a little person to take care of, totally dependent on us, i almost puke but i'm at peace with it. that little pairing of words, at peace, i hate to use them because they are somewhat trite but that is really the best way to say it. i'm no word smith (writer) so i can't think of a better way to say it. at peace.

more to come in two weeks. keep us in your prayers.

j