i see a peanut

we had another doctors appointment today*. michelle and the peanut, as the ultrasound technician called it, are doing fine although to me it looks more like a raw chicken you get from the supermarket - with the legs tied back - maybe a thanksgiving turkey. we saw the heart beat which looked more like a pulsing blob than anything else. we're seven weeks, one day as of today with the due date being november third - but i'm hoping for a halloween baby.


*i'm a little late posting this. our doctors appointment was march 18th.

jeff got in trouble for saying a dirty word

OK, so the title of the Donnas new CD would be considered a "bad" word by some, including Michelle, so i feel inclined to post this little warning:

if the word Bitchin' offends you, don't read below cause i say it twice.

DOH!

Bitchin'

it's a bit past midnight tuesday night/wednesday morning and i just got in from seeing the Donnas play at the EXIT/IN. imagine KISS meeting the Ramones and you've got the Donnas. oh and their girls. rock 'n roll girls, that's the sweetest part.

Michelle didn't go tonight. she was already in bed, fast asleep by the time it was time to leave for the show but i think she would have enjoyed it. the little thing growing inside her, i don't know if he/she would have. i like to think so. i don't remember which song but some time during the set, something in the lyrics, the way "Donna A" posed or led the crowd in a fist pumping chant or maybe it was the drunk guy in a suit in front of me who was dancing like Elaine on Seinfeld, something got me to thinking of the little guy growing in Michelle's belly. i couldn't help but smile with anticipation looking forward to exposing him/her to music. maybe i'll be cool enough when he/she is a teen or young adult and we can go to shows together. there are times when i'm at a show and i wish we would have had children sooner. i remember seeing Alice Cooper at the Ryman a couple of years back and seeing moms and dads with their sons or daughters there and i was envious. the best ones are when they paint the Alice eyes on them for the show. nothing like seeing a seven year old with black mascara looking like a little Alice. KISS parents do it too. if you have four boys, you could do mini-KISS. that'd be pretty sweet.

any way, one of my favorite lines from Ben Folds is a song he wrote for his son called "Still Fighting It"

good morning son
twenty years from now
maybe we'll both sit down
and have a few beers
and i can tell
you about today
and how i picked you up
and everything changed

i'm not really a beer connoisseur but maybe twenty years from now i can sit (or stand) with my child at a show and that feeling i felt tonight, that little twinge of anticipation and excitement will be fulfilled. wow, i can't even begin to think who we'd go see. i think most of who i like now will long be gone or, like the Rolling Stones, should be gone.

one thing i take a lot of pride in is the variety of music i listen to and enjoy. i look at my ipod and can't wait to share it's contents with the little one. i asked Michelle the other day if we could get a pair of good, big headphones so i can put them to her belly and play Wilco's "California Skies" to the baby every night for bed. or maybe it'll be Patty Griffin's "You Are not Alone" or Ben Fold's "Rockin' the Suburbs" (is there a clean version of that?) or Feist's "Mushaboom" or The Lassie Foundation's "El Rey" or Terry Taylor's "The Afternoon" or Michael Roe's "Sunshine Down" or The Donnas "Bitchin'?" this list could get long and it's after 1:00 now so i need to stop. any baby belly songs suggestions are welcome.

til next time,
j

we're pregnant

i didn't start writing until i found out we were having a baby.

i have had grand intentions of writing before, especially after i started working for a publisher. i love what writers do but don't have that gift. at least not on their level.

any way, given the overwhelming emotions i'm experiencing now and am going to experience i needed to start. this little baby blog is the result of that. basically a way for friends and family to keep up with the little guy (or gal). it all seems so self serving and pompous to have a blog like this but the interweb (as a woman writing a letter to Garrison Keillor called it - the interweb) is the best place to keep up with folks. so here we go, jeff and michelle's baby blog. most of the posts will be from me, the better ones will be from michelle.

i've joked with michelle over the past few months about having a baby, making motions about how big her belly could become but when i came home that tuesday and she met me at the door with the little stick that said "pregnant" i think i got scared. no, i know i got scared. what the hell are we gonna do now. i didn't say that but i thought it. for 13+ years, it has been just michelle and me and i've gotten quite accustomed to that. and to be honest i LOVE it. i love we can just get up and go. be it vacations, concert, weekend trips to Cincy or camping, the independence is nice. that is probably what immediately went through my head. "our lives will never ever be the same again. we're screwed, big time"

scared wasn't the only emotion i was feeling but it was the strongest. i was nervous too. and excited but excitement was low on the emotional radar, just a faint blip on the screen. scared and nervous were the two biggies.

we went to the doctor a few days later only to find out michelle was so early they couldn't really see anything beyond the sack this tiny little guy would be growing in. they suggested she was probably early in her 5th week and we should come back in two weeks.

after that visit, my emotional radar reversed. the scared and nervousness feelings were replaced by excitement and anticipation. don't get me wrong i am still scared and when i sit and really think about that in nine months we could have a little person to take care of, totally dependent on us, i almost puke but i'm at peace with it. that little pairing of words, at peace, i hate to use them because they are somewhat trite but that is really the best way to say it. i'm no word smith (writer) so i can't think of a better way to say it. at peace.

more to come in two weeks. keep us in your prayers.

j